i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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