I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
