at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
