I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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