WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
