He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do vagina's smell?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
