Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
