He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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