It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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