So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He passed out mid-signature
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
