don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
zippers are such a cool invention
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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