hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
