I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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