May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
