What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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