Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
