Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
