i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
