After last night, I could never be a politician.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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