So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
