dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
