Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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