i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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