the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
