i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
