Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
