Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
