worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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