Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.