I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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