More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
