i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
