I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
