too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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