Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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