It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
