We won't sleep together?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
