At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
