its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
