My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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