i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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