he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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