and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This house was built for laser tag.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
