I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
