Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
