I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
