this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
