You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
