Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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