wakey wakey hands off snakey
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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