apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
