I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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