Is it normal to miss your booty call?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
