I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
