was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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