I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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