I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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