He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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