can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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