I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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