think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
