The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
