I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't deserve a penis
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
