Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
