it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
