Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
