my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
