Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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