I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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