am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
