come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
