I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
