it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am naked and annoyed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
