if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
