yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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