She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
