It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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