Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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