Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
