Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
