Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
