love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
