Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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