Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize