I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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