I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
