I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
