Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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