my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
