It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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