just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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