My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
