from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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