he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
how drunk are you?
Several
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
