I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
