It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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