My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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