I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
